I was wondering if anyone could offer me some advice. I am not pregnant but my husband and I would love to start a family. The only problem is I am terrified of the thought of having to go through labour and give birth. I've never really had anyone I can talk to about it and its never been an issue until now. My husband doesn't understand why I get so upset about it when I am not even pregnant but I am just so worried I will never overcome it and we won't be able to have children. My main fears are not being able to cope with the pain, not knowing how severe the pain will be, tearing or worse still having to be cut, and there being a lot of blood, having loads of internal examinations (I even find having a smear test quite traumatic) I just can't stand it. I would definitely opt for pain relief (probably an epidural) but when I read stories about them not working or causing all sorts of problems with the birth I am just back to square one.
Does anyone have any advice or have experienced the same thing before they had their first baby?
I would visit your doctor and explain to him or her your worries as I remember reading an article somewhere that there is an actual condition where women are absolutley terrified of giving birth. Perhaps you dont have this as it is natural to be scared - I was nervous about how I would cope with the pain when I was pregnant first time round but still went on to have a second!
If you are really terrified to the point that it upsets you then speak to your doc about the possibility of having an agreed c section when you fall pregnant. I am sure that they do this for women who are literally terrified. He or she may not think you have this and put you at ease. Dont be afraid to chat to people about it though as we have all felt worried about how we will cope.
Thanks ever so much Emma. I will definitely go and see my doctor about it. It's funny really because part of me says 'don't be so ridiulous, women have been having children for centuries and didn't even have pain relief so just stop being such a wimp,' and the other part of me just clams up and I think I will never be able to go through with it. I think I am making myself worse by looking for information online as I seem to focus on all the negative things out there. What has also occured to me recently is that all I have ever been told about childbirth from women in my family is that it is horrendously painful, no information on what actually happens, where the pain comes from and what is for. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't even know what a contraction was exactly until recently, other than being a source of pain.
Thanks so much for your advice, I hope I will be able to get through this because we so want to have children and at the age of 31 I think it is time to get going
Hi Alice, i think everything has been said really, but its really not as bad as you think it might be, each time i get pregnant i keep thinking, OMG!!! have got to go thro all that pain again, but i actually think my pain threshold is high as i dont normally know im in labour until im about 6/7cms dilated - you might be lucky too!!! By the way, im currently 4 weeks off baby no.8 - so you see - it CANT be that bad!!! LOL seriously, every labour is different and if you opt for pain relief it is normaly very effective, i had epidurals with my first two babies but have just had gas and air and water birthing with the rest, this worked well for me, you can also get hypnosis cd's and relaxation ones, they too are a real asset, why not try a doula too?? (these are like midwifes but not trained in actual births and they work with you for the best birth possible and give you loads of encouragement etc!!)
Theres a few more options for you anyways, am sure that once you have gotten preggy and have seen your baby on a scan you will be just so excited, the pain will fade into insignificance before you even get there!!! Take it easy and try to enjoy your pregnancy when it happens. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm such a big wimp, it's untrue and my pain threshhold is quite low (well so i thought). But, I am now 12 weeks pregnant with no2.
When I feel pregnant with my first I kinda was so wrapped up in being pregnant I never really thought about the labour or birth and when i finally did get round to thinking about it I was surprised at how relaxed I was about it I just thought "well it's got to come out" lol. My actual labour and birth were very easy I wasn't even in agony until I was 10cm dilated (I won't lie, then it really did hurt) but then I had the job of pushing to distract me. As soon as my daughter was born I said to my husband "I don't know what I was screaming about" you really do forget all about it afterwards. My whole labour and birth was so quick I didn't get time for any pain relief (which I was devestated about at the time). So, if I, one of the biggest wimps ever can get through it i honestly believe anyone can.
I hope you overcome the fear and fall pregnant as the whole thing, birth included is the most amazing experience. I'm actually really excited to do it all again.
Good luck! xxx
I'm with you. I'm not even pregnant, but the thought is so petrifying that I'm starting to second guess having kids at all. It doesn't help that my husband doesn't understand. I'd like to see him try it!!
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