Including hubby? - Dads

Claire Howie

25/08/2005 at 10:28

Hi there,
My son is 5 weeks old and I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how I can include my hubby more in the looking after/feeding of our son. He doesn't feel there's much he can do and I think its upsetting him a bit as he hasn't really had a chance to get to know our son yet as I'm doing the feeding (breast feeding) and he's at work everyday (although he did take a week off). I'm normally feeding when he gets home from work and then the little one sleeps till the next feed! So other than the occassional nappy change or bath - there's not much for him to do! Any advice?

Julie Robinson

26/08/2005 at 08:51

Hi Claire, trespassing in the men's section! I almost didn't find this thread :-)

Can you express some milk so that he can do a morning feed before he leaves for work? Might make a really nice start for the day for both of them and leave you with 20 more winks than usual. He could also do one of the evening feeds if you express. Have you already got a breast pump?

Julie Robinson

26/08/2005 at 08:52

Come on Dads, some of you must have had a similar problem and worked it out.

Claire Howie

26/08/2005 at 16:44

I could really use 20 winks more in the morning! Yes i do have a breat pump - i really must get that organised as that will not only be a huge help but at least my husband will feel a little more involved! I don't think i'll be able to get him to help in the evenings with a feed as bu the time's he's home i've done one and then the next one's at about 12 and he'll never be able to function at work the next day! but the morning might just work very well!

Daddyo

26/08/2005 at 16:49

Not sure I agree - I certainly feel that the early weeks are when a dad is pretty redundant, other than supporting the mum as best he can, and obviously changing nappies and rocking the baby when possible. In the first few weeks the baby is so much almost an extension of the mum, that we dads have to recognise that and just do what we'are asked to do. I spend my time (we have a 7 weeker and a 21 monther) with the older one, because I can actually do things with him that are "useful", while I can't help feeling tha there's not much I can do with the younger one other than help out when requested.

Basically what i'm saying is: if we can help, ask us, but it's not easy when the baby really just needs its mum.

Parkey

01/09/2005 at 10:06

Not sure I agree with you Daddyo. I don't see that supporting the mum as best you can is being redundant, and taking care of the older child if you have two makes great sense. It's good division of labour and you're very much involved, which is what we're talking about how to be.

But when it's your first you can make plenty of opportunity to be with your baby, including feeding if your partner is happy to express (or you're formula feeding).

I certainly did that with Tommy, I had to when my wife was at work and I was doing all his feeds and changes until she got home. Admittedly that was at three months plus.

Maybe it's different when you have two, I don't yet know, but I hope that when we have our next I'll have an opportunity to get to know him or her as well as taking on a supporting role and chasing round after Tommy. It might be easier for me as I'm self-employed and work from home.

Daddyo

01/09/2005 at 10:35

Fair point, Parkey. It's true that my wife didn't express until quite late on with our first, and hasn't yet with the second (who's 8 weeks old).

vodkatiggs

19/09/2007 at 16:52

i found that if my parnter made dinner, done housework or even run me a bath i was so grateful

Becs

13/11/2007 at 13:21

Hi All,

My OH and I have been talking about this although bump is not yet here! A good idea that a friend of my mum had is the dad and baby/toddler do something special at the weekend like swimming. Obviously in the first few weeks this doesn't help but I think you've just got to do what works for you. I'm hoping to breast feed and my OH is planning on taking a month off, 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks leave which will be really nice but we'll just have to see what happens

R Davis

18/11/2007 at 17:21

my husband worked all day like most dads but when he came home at 6.00p.m he would take control of bath time. He would bath the baby and get them ready for bed and pass to me for a feed. It's been an excellent bonding thing and my husband has done the same with both my sons.

I have only ever bathed the children a hand full of time and when I do the boys always ask for a husband.

Now the boys are a little older (3 and 1) it's great because after getting ready for bed he'll read them a story too!

AugustDad

26/06/2008 at 21:54

As a dad of a 14 month old boy ( Angus ) and expecting again in August, I have to agree with R.D.

After a long day at work, I love coming home and doing the bedtime routine, bath, story and bed. I really appreciate the fact that my lovely wife has been run ragged all day, and its my chance to play a part, and give her a break.

At the weekends, I do the wake up shift too, we're eally fortunate that this is usually about 7.30am, and Cathy has a lie in till whenever she likes. Weekend mornings are officially BOY TIME !! and I love it.

emma poppel

27/06/2008 at 14:01

Hi.

Really glad to see some dads on here who want to play as much of a part in caring for baby as they can. My OH goes to work so I get Paige up virtually every morning then care for her all day. What bugs me is even on the evenings and weekends I feel like my OH doesnt take any initiative to do things with the baby. I cant remember the last time he made up bottles without me having to ask him to. I know he needs a break after a full day of work, just doesnt feel like he realises how much work a 9 month old is aswell. Feel like I have to do everything and he almost expects undying gratitude for doing the odd feed. Really dont understand why he's like this, as he's had 2 kids with his first wife so not like he didnt know what he was taking on.

Em x

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