Hiya all, been having a terrible fortnight, this month was going okay to begin with we were getting used to James's GERD's and got other great family news, but then on 22nd (august) we suffered a family loss (not willing to talk about it yet) then James's GERD got worse started being sick more, taken less food and also was told he had a hernia. then a few days ago found out a family friend had died of a heart attack, he was like a 2nd grand father to me so that just made me even more upset that i already was, then the monday before last i had social services out, it seems that my mother in law told them i was an unfit mother was hurting James and also had a long term eating disorder.... luckily when the social worker came she said that there seemed to be nothing wrong that james seemed happy and healthy and it seemed i was doing everythnig in his best interest.... but the night before was in a awful state thinking he was gonna get taken away, blaming myself for the miscarriages and also feeling that i didn't deserve James.... so ended up in tears on the phone with elliot. Was horrible place to be.....
We have tried all uk milks and most american milks now, we were even trying something called enfimel AR which is meant to reduce reflux (not really what he's got, he's got GERD not AR) but it was the closes we could get to help him and that still doesn't work, he's still being extremely sick and its damaging his throat big time, often finding him lossing his voice and being unable to cry, and he is refusing to feeds sometimes because he knows that when he feeds he will be sick and it will hurt, its a wee shame because he's always hungry and always sore so never really gets much time to sleep...
After 5 weeks of hounding Doctors and H/V's they finially called this morning and said we were getting refered to Yorkhill Royal Hospital for Sick children, so we might be looking at surgry before his esophgus closes off and we need tubes to feed and breath etc.
so thats why i not been about as much as i would like to be not been in the mood to talk to anyone but wanted to just drop a wee note and let you all know whats going on
Not much i can say apart from sending you loads of hugs. I am really sorry you are having such a tough time at the mo - i bet you were really cross about social services coming - thats all you need at the moment!
My first born Ryan was born with a big exomphalos and had a nightmare when he was little - hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you like we had with Ryan - the only advice i can give is to keep fighting and if you think something isn't right - follow your gut instincts - they are normally right!
Good luck with everything and feel free to post as much as you like - thats what we are all here for to support each other!
Oh just thought i would mention the milk 'Neocate' - i had to use it with Tara who has a cows milk allergy - sounds like you have tried lots but thought i would mention it just in case as my GP had never heard of it!
GRRRRRR! Mother in laws! I thought mine was bad, but nothing compairs to that... How dare she! What did you other half say about her interfering? I would be soooooo MAD!
I don't know you Lynn, but you seem to be having a rough time and nothing I say will take away your pain of losing loved ones, but try and keep yourself strong for little baby James(who is gorgeous by the way!).
Thanks for support R, was nice of you my mother in law likes to stir and up till now my partner though the sun shone out of her arse but not now he still hasn't said much about it but knows i'm a good mother and supports me in that....
thanks i know james is gorgeous lol he gets it all the time lol i love him to bits, he's currently layig on his winnie the pooh mat sleeping lol can't bear to distrub him bying moving him into his crib
Hi lynne - sorry you are having such a tough time with both little james and the bloody in-law from hell still!!! have you tried arsnic in her coffee????? no seriously i would stop all contact with her until she can sort herself out - what did she think she was going to achieve by doing the social thing???? my heart goes out to you girl - have a big hug from us all here and keep your chin up - it WILL get better but only time can help. xxxxxx
thanks, i have thought of killing her but not worth it, my partner wont stop contact with her but shes not seen or heard from since since we left. and she wont ever again
thanks for the message was nice of you, just chillin today but would rather be out and about cause lovely day here...
hi lynne i know i used to talk to you but can't remember where ! i can't believe your mum in law did such a thing what a cow !! just aswell she's 400 miles away! my family are the pits so i no longer bother with them ...their loss!i told my sister in law i lost my baby son zak back in july and have had no reply ...thanks !!i hope your partner supports you in all this he must see what she's like ?!
i'm so sorry your having such a bad time i have too lately but i am now trying to move forward and try again i will never replace my darling zak but i need a baby to love so much !
we look forward to having a baby and then things go wrong mother nature is so cruel sometimes ! how is james now ? and what does his gerd cause ? zak had edwards syndrome which is rare but means incompatable with life but he made it to say hello and i'm so proud of him as 50 % are mc and 80% are girls so he was our miracle baby and now he's our little angel !!
hope things get better for you very soon and i'm always here for a moan ! lots of luv amanda xxxx
Nah my partner thinks the sun shines out his mother arse! its really horrible having her in my life when she ruining it so much, i am glad shes 400miles away but she still does so much damage, she currently has a 12year old daughter and is divoriced and the father is fighting to get the daughter i am really tempted to help him because she really wreaked my partners life and is doing the same to her....
sorry to hear you lost your son zak, you poor thing, my heart breaking for you, i have lost 4 babies to miscarriages....
Not your fault i had a hard time and its been getting harder... ended up in hospital yesterday with abdominal pain turned out i have cyst on my left ovary and a kidney infection, my step sister is in ICU after a sezour and now on ventolator, and my partner has something wrong with him so family really is fallen apart at the moment, james GERD is really bad he's now on breathing monitor and he keeps having problems breathing and also teetthing sorry your having a hard time too hun.... i understand hun, i feel that way about my babies....
yes she is very cruel, i can't have anymore and taken it kinda badly.... GERD means he is always sick, losses weight, thoart is always sore, is esophugas is damaged and could colapse. finds it hard to breath and is on special milk from america....
i have heard of edwards i am asst manager on a child loss support group.... yes he was a miracle, james is our miracle baby... my heart goes out to you hun
hi lynne , how are things ?hope your feeling better are they going to operate for the cyst ? as if you haven't enough going on eh?! it really does come all at once ! how's your sister ?
oh you must treasure james so much especially with him needing extra care but i guess it's hard work and sooo emotional too i hated seeing zak in discomfort just wanted it to be me instead ... you get to 9 months and deliver you don't expect to have problems at that stage just shows that the antenantal tests don't stand for much ..i wouldn't bother next time and just hope for the best but barrie is adament we have to have them ... anyway there may never be a next time who knows ?
i'm sorry you can't have any more and can only imagine how tough it is for you ... i went through similar when we decided to not have any more i felt suicidal and just shut off ... i may never get pregnant again so have to just take it as it comes and if zak is my last then that's the way it is i can't change it so have to get on with it and be happy with what i have , it just makes me feel old and of no use strange really!
anyway hope your ok speak soon thinking of you take care luv amanda xxxx
no op for cyst, said no point unless it becomes unbearable... sister is comfortable wont be out for over 3 weeks ...
been really hard since sat, i got a case of confusion and forgot alot of stuff, was hard on me... and james, my partner tried to help but he's been terrible depressed... yeah i feel the same always wish i could take all the pain he has away... breaks my heart to see him in pain... i had james at 7months so had a rather short pregnancy, and his GERD is a cause of his prematurit, currently i am actaully taken legal action aggenst the hospital he was born at for undue stress and a medical team has agreed that stress could have cause my premature on set labour.... but just got to wait and see, collec ting my files at the moment and the ones i have got so far and rather disgusting, in one they said my partner has mental problems, he's never done nothing wrong, he's kind, caring and loving person was there for me the whole of my pregnancy and they said i had alot of issues, which to thier knowleadge i don't..... they also wrote i was extermly underweight under the orders of my mother in law they said i was only 5/6stone well it shows they never weighted me because when i was admitted to that hospital i was almost 9stone, and even at the start of my pregnancy was 6stone odd, a little thin but nothing more and even worked beside a dietrision to gain weight so the whole of scotland can back me up that i don't have an eating problem or a small because my BMI is now something like 21 or 22 so thats not under it did used to be 18 but that still is nothing to worry about, my mother in law is an extermly large women and often wonder if she hates me because i am thin. nicer etc, my partner told her my potoates were better than hers and i should show her how to make them and i swear she looked like she could kill...
there wont be a next time for me so don't have to worry about them just need to deal with the stupid ped's and H/V's at the moment, last week i had to spent £120 on a breathing monitor for james because he keeps stopping breathing, the hospital wouldn't give me one, and the ped tried to say that all babies get reflux and this is something all parents experence that i'm just one of the normal and james is fine, glad i changed peds and hospitals, the ped wasn't happy we changed.... i just wish i oculd see a H/V that had children and would actaully know what she is talking about, i have even thought of taken my books, print off's etc about GERD to show them how wrong they are, my g.p didn't even know what it was!
i don't feel suicidal but it really does hurt me.... i get upset when around children and can't even look at pregnant women.... i hate to think my body is now made to kill.... my partner wants to keep trying but i dunno how many babies do i have to lose before its enough?i feel that way too i feel that women are made to have babies and i can't even do something as simple as that... (i know its not simple but from birth its made out to be that way) i am so happy for what i have got and try not to think about what i could or should have because will only drive me mad....
thanks for the message amanda sorry never messaged back before as said forgot alot of things and people so my memory is only really coming back today, all thanks to my stupid kidney infection, can't stop being sick and been in bed most of the time, only online because my partner is asleep....
.... i understand hun, i feel that way about my babies....
