Hi Angela
I’m sorry to read your post. I can totally sympathise with you and your feelings. My husband and I tried for a baby for 7 years with no success. We attended the fertility clinic and had all the various tests and I was all geared up ready for them to tell me they had found something and this was the treatment they going to give me… I was shocked when they said we were ‘an unexplained fertility case’ and although there was nothing immediate they could do to help, they could try us on various drug treatments. Over the next year I tried all sorts of drugs but had to give them up as they weren’t agreeing with me and making me very moody. We were then left with an option of IVF and after having been through the hell of previous drugs and upset every month of another period arriving, we decided against it. After going through all of this my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant after being married for only 6 months and my world fell apart. I couldn’t bear to see her and hear about her pregnancy news and aches and excitement. Over the course of the next few months another family member became pregnant and one of my friends and I cried as I couldn’t understand how I couldn’t have a baby too. When my nephew was born I really struggled to go into hospital to see them and everyone was sympathetic to our feelings. I always felt as though everyone was talking about us and when walked into a room they would all go quiet (probably paranoid) but I waited till everyone had gone from visiting time and sat with my nephew in my arms and cried, but afterwards felt a lot better. It took me months before I could sit and talk with my sister-in-law about how I felt. We grew closer and I vowed that next time round when she was pregnant I wouldn’t behave like I did first time round. I am now a proud auntie of a lovely nephew and a niece which she had at xmas and treat them like me own. I am very fond of them and they are of me. The smallest thing like a card made out to ‘my auntie’ or when he would run up for a cuddle and now he can speak he shouts ‘P’ as he can’t quite pronounce auntie and my heart melts. My husband took seriously ill last year and ended up with a liver transplant which was a complete shock. It was very touch and go and thankfully a suitable donor was found and he is recovering well. Six months on we found out we are expecting our first child which we couldn’t believe and are over the moon. I never ever though it would happen and had totally given up on ever being pregnant but after 7 years I’m going to be a mum. We didn’t realise that my husband had been ill for some time as he had no obvious symptoms but they reckon this had something to do with it. The day after I found out I was pregnant I had a letter from our local council saying our application for adoption had been accepted as we had decided to go for adoption after giving up on having our own! The best advice I can give to you is keep trying and it’s true when you least expect it the inevitable happens. I know the world can be cruel sometimes but some good does comes out of it. Think positive it can only be good for you. Part of me thinks now that everyone was right as annoying as it is to admit but when you stop thinking about it and focus on other things like I was with the adoption it does happen! Apologies for the novel. Take care Px
