dealing with late miscarraige

I have just lost my baby at 19 weeks and was wondering if there was any other mums who had gone through the same tragic loss. i am dealing with a mixture of emotions from anger , sadness and just an indescibable feeling of loss. we had no indication that there was a problem and just at a routine midwife appointment the heart beat could not be found. so a week ago i endured a 7 hour labour and held my little girl - named her hope catlin - then said our goodbyes - i now have milk , after labour pains , a womb infection and all the side effects of having had a baby without a baby to show for it- does it get easier  ? do you ever move on ? i am hoping so - i would be keen to hear from anyone who has experience of dealing with this    ? ann catlin

Hi Ann.

I cant offer constructive advice, as have never been through what you have, but I just wanted to say how sorry i was to read of your loss.

I know it probably seems impossible to believe now, but the pain will get less. You will make a place for Hope in your heart and, while you will never forget her, you will be able to carry on.

Take care. Em x

hi ann

i was 20 weeks when i lost my last baby and nw i am 13 weeks pregnant again had my first scan n it didnt go to well the heartbeat was weak n a hav got to go for a internal scan tommorw. i went through it myself as the dad was away n my family didnt approve i had a lil girl to named her after my late mum who died when i was 8 sheridan i went through all the same things n my labour was a horrible 20 hours this was in january i went through greif and made me go mad then 2months later i got pregnant again only found owt 2 weeks ago and i am 13 weeks the dad beat me up when he found owt cz he didnt want a baby as the loss hit him hard  plzz dont do this by yourself plz message me

chantelle

xxxxx

i have suffered 5miscarriages since 2004 and i am still finding it hard to deal with, i have been a childloss support group leader for a while helping women who have lost children during pregnancy, birth, or afterwards... here is a group that i now help run that helped me so much in the early days and still to this day help me...

i am so sorry you lost your baby my heart goes out to you, with time i can get easier but it never fully goes away, sadly, I know its hard having all thes afterpains and reminders of the baby you were meant to have as this only adds to the pain you have left and will feel...

I hope your partner is coping okay with this, sometimes man are the forgotten party in miscarriage. if you ever want to talk feel free to email me any time, on: /forum/smilies/confused_smiley.gif[/img]cottish_mind@hotmail.co.uk]scottish_mind@hotmail.co.uk

Sincerly Lynne

 http://groups.msn.com/angelsforeverloved

hi i lost my first at 20weeks in 2004 and its was a big thing for me i lost my baby boy on my 21st birthday i went for a scan to find baby was there but heart was not beating and no blood running though the baby either they kept me in hospital and nect day he was out i didnt want to see the baby as wanted the nice picture in my head but have other things to remind me in a memory box and the grave,i now have 3 children 2girls and a boy doctors told me my body rejects the baby after a time in pregnancy so have to be closely monitored though out my two girls came at 36weeks and my son now 6month came at 32weeks my body had just had enough,cant say what happens but i get scared everytime im preg up to the end,hate scans and cant look ubtil hubby says its ok,panick that much i fainted at my 21week scan with last baby as work my self up that much i never want that feeling again  

i have not and will not forget about my first son hariss but it does get better as time goes on, i went to see a medium as a friend said it will help to grieve so i did,it was the best thing i did,i told her nothing and she told me his name and that he passed as his heart failed amazing i had never seen this women in my life she told me to stop going to the grave as much (everyday)as its just his body there his sole was with me he was in the spirit world and he loves me to bits and will never leave me and he would wait for me so we will meet again  but she did say everytime i cry cause im thinking of him i cause him pain and sadness and he has a candle that goes out when i cry for him and he doesnt like the dark,after that i have not cried since i get water in my eyes like i have now but i know if i cry i cause him pain

there is hope and it does get easier but it takes time that empty feeling will be filled it help me going to a clairvoyant it might help you but everyone deals with things different,be strong you will get there

love yas

Hi Ann

I was just passing through but couldnt go without saying how very sorry I am to hear of your loss, I can only imagine how devastated you must be, I was told last year at 20 weeks that I was going to lose my little girl as my waters had broke but thankfully it was a misdiagnosis and she was fine but at the time I felt as if my world had ended and was devastated.

As the other girls have said, time is a great healer and you will one day be able to live with your pain although it might not seem like it just now. Try take time to yourself to heal both mentally and physically and grieve as long as you feel you need to, people will understand and hopefully be around you to comfort you and offer their support. There are a few women on here who have suffered a loss like you have and who would be great for you to talk to.

Please Take care,

Sharon, xx

I am so very sorry to hear of your tragic loss.  I am 26 weeks pregnant and can't imagine what you are going through but i hope you take comfort from these messages.  Any bereavement takes time to heal, and with love and support we all heal after losing loved ones.  You will get through this, i am sure, but it will take time and you need to give yourself time and space to grieve properly.

Be kind to yourself, accept all offers of help and support and get professional help with a specialist support group.  Talk to your partner and family, cry with them and above all, in the darkest hours, remember - you will not feel like this forever, it will get better and you can remember your baby with love.

I just wanted to say how sorry I was for your loss. 

All I will say is that I hope you get through it and everything gets better, it is always good to talk things through and keep the lines of communication open with your partner and although you probably don't want to think about it now, please don't let it put you off babies in the future

Take care 

My thoughts are will you both in this sad time and tragic loss of Catlin. I can only imagine this feeling you have and nothing anyone says at this point will help the pain. My sister who to me is the bravest person ever has endured 6 years of unsucessful Ivf until 2 years ago she became pregnant with twins. Unfortunatley she misscarried at 6 weeks and was told everything was ok with the 2nd child. Great relief to them and our family. Only to discover at a scan at 23 weeks her daughters heartbeat had stopped. The most devastating news to us all. Similar to yourself she had to give birth and held her tiny perfect daughter.

Arwen was born July 2006 and we should be celebrating her birthday instead we dream of what should be and visit where she was laid to rest. My sister has now got to face the future knowing that Arwen maybe the only child she ever has. I dont mean to bring you to further dispare. I just want you to know that the pain will slowly heal but you will always have her with you. My sister has good times and bad I wish I could take the pain away.

What makes me angry is she had to go back to work in Aug as no maternity pay is given I am sorry but she  was perfect and my sister held her to me that is not a miscarriage.

Please make sure you see someone and talk to them about it when you are ready, I was so scared when I found out I was expecting Nov 2006 I had extra care and my sister is amazing with Luca and an amazing Aunt. its his 1st birthday soon and I know it will be difficult for her.

With Love and hugs to you and your family and your Angel xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann and the other ladies who have posted with similar experiences,

Although I haven't suffered a miscarriage I do understand what you're going through emotionally. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter Isabelle at full term on 23rd June, but before birth she had lost 80% of her blood and as a result suffered severe brain damage & multiple organ failure, there was nothing that could be done for her, we had to let her go. 

It is the hardest thing I have ever known, holding your little baby and knowing there is nothing you can do to help them. Especially when all you want in the world is to be a Mummy to them and you feel like that's just been cruelly taken away.

It is only 3 weeks since we lost our little girl, so I am really hoping that they are right when they say time is a healer.

Yasmin, I love what the medium told you & I do believe that Isabelle's spirit is with us and also that she will always live in our hearts, for as long as we're on this earth. I will try to remember what you said about crying putting out their candles, though it's so hard to stop the tears falling. 

My husband and I were given a book by the hospital which is a great help - It's called 'When a Baby Dies' by Nancy Kohner and Alix Henley. ISBN 0-415-25276-8. I would recommend reading it, it's helped me. Also a charity called SANDS are very supportive www.uk-sands.org 

Love to all of you, Janice.xx

 http://isabelle-susan-gillam.gonetoosoon.co.uk/my_index.php

ann , i know the emptiness your feeling ,your arms ache to have a baby to hold and it hurts sooo much,i just want to say it does get easier sweetheart it really does everyone who's been there says the same, you never forget but you get to live again but always with your baby's spirit with you. some people may not reconise you've had a baby but you know you have and you'll always treasure that.
maybe you will feel as if your getting over it a little then out of the blue it hits you again this happens often but as time goes on it happens less and hurts not as much. take care and if you want to talk then pm me anytime big hug amanda x

janice, i read your story on the june thread,my heart goes out to you.
i lost my son zak last july , he was born at 31 weeks and was then diagnosed with edwards syndrome which is incompatible with life , he lived for 3 weeks till his tiny body could take no more.
i held him in my arms while he slipped away and as you there is nothing harder than being able to do nothing to save them, you'd give anything.
we have now passed every anniversary , christmas, easter, mothers day,birthday and angel day , every of those was hard in their own way we feel that now we've done everyone once that we know we can face the second, third etc anniversary.
we talk about him nearly every day and my kids include him in all conversations and he'll never be forgotten.and your Isabelle will be always in your heart and mind, feel free to pm me if you want to talk big hug amanda x

i'm now 37 weeks pregnant and this pregnancy has been so tough and is still proving to be as none of us will ever take a pregnancy as having a baby to hold and to see grow up ever again , but we must cling on to hope and be brave.my little one will be told of his brother zak in heaven and my other children have learned that we must not ever give up on our dreams.i will not relax till this baby is in my arms but am trying to be positive.

i hope the year ahead proves that we who say time heals are speaking the truth and that you too will be able to pass your story on to encourage others who will have the same pain after you .

take care all as this is a tough time so go easy on yourselves,
amanda xx

janice just thought i'd say i visited your link aw bless her Isabelle looks so sweet and gorgeous in her picture amanda xxx