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Missed miscarriage

7 messages
13/07/2008 at 09:20

Hi

Ive came on hoping that someone can give me some advice on how I can recover from a recent miscarriage?

I found out I was expecting 5 weeks ago but on the same night I done the test I noticed I had been bleeding, it was only on the tissue when I wiped and over the next  week or so it didnt happen again so I put it down to an implantation bleed. At 6+1 I noticed a brown discharge every time I went to the loo so was sent for an internal scan which sadly showed that there was no longer a baby, just the pregnancy and yolk sacs but they were growing at the normal rate. I had had a feeling that somethiing wasnt quite right as I had little to no symptoms during these early weeks and as it was my 5th pregnancy (4th baby, one prev m/c) I knew that I shouldve at least had sore breasts etc. I went back 10 days later to have it confirmed as they said it might just have been that my dates were wrong and that the baby was too small to see but sadly again no baby showed up on the scan. They discussed with me what would happen and offered medical management which I agreed on as it was the most sensible option for me to do as I have an 8 month old at home and two older kids also. 

I went in last Saturday morning for the tablet that blocks the pregnancy hormone and this was to be followed up 2 days later with pessaries and more tablets but as I could not get childcare for my daughter and I didnt want to go through the miscarriage on my own they were unable to give me them. The next morning (Tues) I felt terrible and the bleeding started getting worse, this was accompanied with heavy cramping and back pain. I went upstairs to the loo and started having contractions and passing golf ball sized clots, this went on for the next 7 hours and ended up feeling just like labour. I was very shocked and in a lot of pain so hubby took me to the hospital later that night where they gave me gas and air for the pain and talked me through what was happening.I was still passing large clots and was very traumatised. Eventually after 10 hours of this the pains subsided and the clotting stopped so I was allowed home. I went for another scan the following day and they confirmed that there was only a small mass left and I would pass this myself without any more need for hospital treatment. Later that day the pains and bleeding came back and I passed some more small clots.

Over the last few days I feel literally as if Ive been hit by a truck, the painkillers made me woozy and sick and my legs keep going like jelly, Im crying a lot and just keep going over and over in my head what has happened. Im still bleeding quite heavily and getting random pains but this has eased a lot too. The hardest thing to deal with is the feeling of isolation Im getting, everyone else is just relieved that its over and done with and Im not in pain anymore but inside Im just in pieces.My partner thinks maybe the shock of the actual physical miscarriage has exhausted me but Im just worried that its never going to be the same again and feel as if something irreversible has happened.

Id be really grateful if anyone else who has gone through this and felt this way could give me some advice, I really just want to get on with my life and come to terms with losing my baby but just feel numbed by it all.

Sorry for the essay ladies, thanks for taking the time in reading this,

Sharon. 

13/07/2008 at 09:32

Sharon i realy feel for you i had two miscarriages between my ist & 2nd child one at 9 weeks and one at 12 weeks. I was sent home by the hospital and passed them at home which was very distressing and i was given paracetmol and nothing else. I then had to do a pregnancy test 5 days later and have a scan to check i was clear and didnt require a D&C. That was 12 years ago now but even now when i look at my kids i still think about the two i lost but the pain is bearable now and my way of coping was to tell myself there must of been something wrong and thats why it happened. It is awful initially but i promise over time you will come to terms with it and the pain does lessen. Big hugs

13/07/2008 at 10:35

Hi Sharon

i just want to say i feel for you hun xxxx,

i had a m/c in on 27th May, i was just sat watching tv, and felt a bit wet i went to the loo and it was streaky brownie red blood, i called the hospital and they sed there is nothing they cud do for me, this was my first baby and didnt have a clue what to do, i felt so alone, the next day i went to the doctors and all they did was fob me off with pain killers and sed it will pass by its self, i asked about TTC and the doctor sed there is no medical reason why we cant try as soon as i stop bleeding, which we did as i felt as though i could carry on, i still get very tearful that i will never get to meet that baby, but there is a light at the tunnel, im now pregnant again i got caught straight after the m/c not really sure how far gone i am but counting from wen i had the m/c i wud be nearly 7 weeks, dont give up and i know that that is easier sed then done, but in time it does heal though it is never forgotten

i wish u all the best for the future xxxxxxxxxxxx

she
13/07/2008 at 15:26

Sharon,

Sending big hugs to you ((()))  I lost my first baby at eight weeks last August.  I had had a little bit of spotting at 5/6 weeks so went up to the hospital and was given a scan which showed a little heart beating.  A couple of weeks later, I had the same tiny spotting so phoned hospital and they told me to go up again.  I thought it would be fine like the last time, so I didn't even phone my husband, but drove up myself.  After an external scan and then an internal one, I was told my baby had died.  They gave me three choices, wait for nature to take its course, take tablets the following week, or operate.  Hubby came up to the hospital by then and we agreed to the surgery. 

They managed to slot me into theatre that afternoon, so by 4pm I was being taken down.  Physically I got over the operation fine, but emotionally took a lot longer.  We were advised to wait between 3 and 6 months before trying again.  The good news is that I am now 36 weeks pregnant.  Rather spookily, baby's due date is 3rd August - which is the same day last year that we lost Harley (as we had named our baby as I'm sure he was a boy).

Harley would have been due on 15th March this year.  We bought a beautiful peach tree and planted it in his memory - we will never forget him, and will tell his little brother or sister about him.

So, please, please don't ever give up.  Take time out for yourself and your partner and ignore the idiots who say things like "it wasn't a real baby" or "you need to get over it" - as I was told!  Take as much time as you need.  Use this forum - you will make some great friends.  Another website I got a lot of comfort from last year is www.labelledame.com You can post a memorial message on it.  It's upsetting to read, but sometimes it helps to know that you're not alone.

Sharon, best of luck to you too hun - take it easy.

She  xxx

13/07/2008 at 17:14

Hi

Thank you all so much for your replies, Im sorry to hear that so many women go through this, its not until you hear from people that you realise the stats, they say 1 in 4, are so very high.

She and Nicole, a huge congratulations on your pregnancies !!! I hope you both have a easy road ahead and wonderful births !! Thanks also for the good advice, its been really helpful to know that Im not slowly losing the plot, its just grief and trauma. I lost my first baby 19 years ago on Bonfire Night and even now when I hear the fireworks going off I always say a little prayer for my baby. Time is the only healer I think and I know myself I will get better and be able to cope more.

Take care everyone, Thanks again, xxxx 

13/07/2008 at 19:40
Hi Sharon

I don't know if you ever really get over it. As you say yourself you still say a prayer for your baby 19 years later. As you know things do get easier though.

I have had 2 missed miscarriages. My first was on 22nd dec 2006. I had a light bleed on the 20th and called the hospital the next day and they told me to come up. I really didn't expect to be told that my wee boy had no heartbeat. I was 16 weeks and 2days.

I was given the pill that you spoke about and told to come back the next day. When I went back the next day the doctor said that I should have waited for 2 days before coming back, but I don't know if maybe I was told to come back sooner because it was so close to Xmas. Anyway I was given pessaries every 3 hours or so. At about 7pm I felt as if I had wet myself. I assume this must have been my waters breaking. I then had my wee boy Noah at 8.10pm. I didn't see him as I didn't know what to expect, but the midwife said he was perfect just very small. I now regret not seeing him. When we went back for a check up later I asked for the pictures that were taken at the time. So I have something although they are not very clear.
My hospital arranged a funeral for us. We had a small ceremony. My husband had to carry this tiny coffin into the crematorium. I can still see him. It was heartbreaking knowing that the only time he held our son was in a box.
The hospital advised us to wait 6 months before trying again. It seemed like the longest time ever.
I fell pregnant again in Nov 2007, but from the start I was spotting. I had several scans. The 1st couple were too early to see anything, but when I went on Xmas Eve 2007 they thought they could see the heartbeat. I still didn't feel very hopeful but tried to be positive. I went back On New Year's Eve and you could see the baby, but there was no heartbeat.
I waited a week before going back and then took the tablet again. this time I was told to wait 2 days. On the 2nd night I felt the same wetness I had felt before. I didn't have any real pain, just some mild cramps. I passed the baby in the toilet. I had to try and collect all the clots to take them to hospital the next day. Not the most pleasant thing to do. When I took the clots to the hospital the next day they said the pregnancy sac was not here, so I must have lost my Bub in the toilet. I find that so hard to except.

This time we didn't wait to try again and by April I was pregnant again. I am now 17 weeks pregnant today. I have a few scares along the way this time also, but hope everything will be fine this time. I am due on 21st Dec, the day I found out I had lost Noah.
I feel guilty at times because I know my first baby was a boy and can put a name to him and I also have scan pictures as well as a couple of pictures. I also have him in the Book of Rememberance at the crematorium, but I do not have anything for my 2nd baby and if he or she is looking down on us I would hate to think that he wasn't as important as Noah, because he/she really was.

I have bought a bracelet on the website SHE was talking about www.labelledame.com and this makes me feel closer to my Bubs everyday.

People try and help but when you get "It happened for a reason" or "at least you know you can get pregnant" or best of all " at least it happened now instead of later" its a miracle I haven't been done for murder!

You know you will get through it, but it is so hard. Spend time with your partner and your other children and talk about it if that's what you want to do. They will be feeling it hard also. My husband tried to be strong for me, but there were times that he would just break down even months later.

My thoughts are with you all. Please take care and take things at your own pace.

All my love

Laura x

13/07/2008 at 20:58

Laura

What can I say ? Your message is so heartbreaking . I really admire you for many reasons, mainly for carrying on with your wish to be a Mum and not giving up and having the heart to come on and give help to other people. You seem like such a strong person and you both have been through so much, I can understand how you feel about your second baby being more anonymous than your little boy, it certainly doesnt mean that your grief is any less or that it didnt mean as much to you.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a baby so far into the pregnancy, I was told last year at 19 weeks pregnant with my little daughter that my waters had gone and that I would lose her by an incompetent Sister Midwife who could not tell the difference between amniotic fluid and a simple thrush infection. It was the worst night of my life and I lay there feeling her kicking and squirming and just waiting on her to die, my relief the next day when a scan showed the fluid volume to be normal and that everything was fine was overwhelming. That night stayed with me a long time and when she was born full term and healthy she seemed all the more precious to me.

As you say too people do try and console you with all the wrong words, its hard for them to know what to say in these circumstances as there seems to be no reason for it, Ive had it all these last few days too but I just let it go really. I made the decision last week after it all happend that Im not going to try for any more children, Ill be 39 next birthday and my DD is quite the little livewire and I also have two teenage boys going through all the teenage angst with girlfriends etc so Ill be kept busy for quite a while yet. 

Thank you again for coming on with advice for me, I havent been just as bad today as lately as I think writing it down and posting it on here helped me feel less isolated.

Im so glad that your current pregnancy is going so well, huge Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful birth experience and a gorgeous Christmas baby !!!!!!

Take care, thanks again

Sharon, x 

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