Ive came on hoping that someone can give me some advice on how I can recover from a recent miscarriage?
I found out I was expecting 5 weeks ago but on the same night I done the test I noticed I had been bleeding, it was only on the tissue when I wiped and over the next week or so it didnt happen again so I put it down to an implantation bleed. At 6+1 I noticed a brown discharge every time I went to the loo so was sent for an internal scan which sadly showed that there was no longer a baby, just the pregnancy and yolk sacs but they were growing at the normal rate. I had had a feeling that somethiing wasnt quite right as I had little to no symptoms during these early weeks and as it was my 5th pregnancy (4th baby, one prev m/c) I knew that I shouldve at least had sore breasts etc. I went back 10 days later to have it confirmed as they said it might just have been that my dates were wrong and that the baby was too small to see but sadly again no baby showed up on the scan. They discussed with me what would happen and offered medical management which I agreed on as it was the most sensible option for me to do as I have an 8 month old at home and two older kids also.
I went in last Saturday morning for the tablet that blocks the pregnancy hormone and this was to be followed up 2 days later with pessaries and more tablets but as I could not get childcare for my daughter and I didnt want to go through the miscarriage on my own they were unable to give me them. The next morning (Tues) I felt terrible and the bleeding started getting worse, this was accompanied with heavy cramping and back pain. I went upstairs to the loo and started having contractions and passing golf ball sized clots, this went on for the next 7 hours and ended up feeling just like labour. I was very shocked and in a lot of pain so hubby took me to the hospital later that night where they gave me gas and air for the pain and talked me through what was happening.I was still passing large clots and was very traumatised. Eventually after 10 hours of this the pains subsided and the clotting stopped so I was allowed home. I went for another scan the following day and they confirmed that there was only a small mass left and I would pass this myself without any more need for hospital treatment. Later that day the pains and bleeding came back and I passed some more small clots.
Over the last few days I feel literally as if Ive been hit by a truck, the painkillers made me woozy and sick and my legs keep going like jelly, Im crying a lot and just keep going over and over in my head what has happened. Im still bleeding quite heavily and getting random pains but this has eased a lot too. The hardest thing to deal with is the feeling of isolation Im getting, everyone else is just relieved that its over and done with and Im not in pain anymore but inside Im just in pieces.My partner thinks maybe the shock of the actual physical miscarriage has exhausted me but Im just worried that its never going to be the same again and feel as if something irreversible has happened.
Id be really grateful if anyone else who has gone through this and felt this way could give me some advice, I really just want to get on with my life and come to terms with losing my baby but just feel numbed by it all.
Sorry for the essay ladies, thanks for taking the time in reading this,
Sharon i realy feel for you i had two miscarriages between my ist & 2nd child one at 9 weeks and one at 12 weeks. I was sent home by the hospital and passed them at home which was very distressing and i was given paracetmol and nothing else. I then had to do a pregnancy test 5 days later and have a scan to check i was clear and didnt require a D&C. That was 12 years ago now but even now when i look at my kids i still think about the two i lost but the pain is bearable now and my way of coping was to tell myself there must of been something wrong and thats why it happened. It is awful initially but i promise over time you will come to terms with it and the pain does lessen. Big hugs
i just want to say i feel for you hun xxxx,
i had a m/c in on 27th May, i was just sat watching tv, and felt a bit wet i went to the loo and it was streaky brownie red blood, i called the hospital and they sed there is nothing they cud do for me, this was my first baby and didnt have a clue what to do, i felt so alone, the next day i went to the doctors and all they did was fob me off with pain killers and sed it will pass by its self, i asked about TTC and the doctor sed there is no medical reason why we cant try as soon as i stop bleeding, which we did as i felt as though i could carry on, i still get very tearful that i will never get to meet that baby, but there is a light at the tunnel, im now pregnant again i got caught straight after the m/c not really sure how far gone i am but counting from wen i had the m/c i wud be nearly 7 weeks, dont give up and i know that that is easier sed then done, but in time it does heal though it is never forgotten
i wish u all the best for the future xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sending big hugs to you ((())) I lost my first baby at eight weeks last August. I had had a little bit of spotting at 5/6 weeks so went up to the hospital and was given a scan which showed a little heart beating. A couple of weeks later, I had the same tiny spotting so phoned hospital and they told me to go up again. I thought it would be fine like the last time, so I didn't even phone my husband, but drove up myself. After an external scan and then an internal one, I was told my baby had died. They gave me three choices, wait for nature to take its course, take tablets the following week, or operate. Hubby came up to the hospital by then and we agreed to the surgery.
They managed to slot me into theatre that afternoon, so by 4pm I was being taken down. Physically I got over the operation fine, but emotionally took a lot longer. We were advised to wait between 3 and 6 months before trying again. The good news is that I am now 36 weeks pregnant. Rather spookily, baby's due date is 3rd August - which is the same day last year that we lost Harley (as we had named our baby as I'm sure he was a boy).
Harley would have been due on 15th March this year. We bought a beautiful peach tree and planted it in his memory - we will never forget him, and will tell his little brother or sister about him.
So, please, please don't ever give up. Take time out for yourself and your partner and ignore the idiots who say things like "it wasn't a real baby" or "you need to get over it" - as I was told! Take as much time as you need. Use this forum - you will make some great friends. Another website I got a lot of comfort from last year is www.labelledame.com You can post a memorial message on it. It's upsetting to read, but sometimes it helps to know that you're not alone.
Sharon, best of luck to you too hun - take it easy.
Thank you all so much for your replies, Im sorry to hear that so many women go through this, its not until you hear from people that you realise the stats, they say 1 in 4, are so very high.
She and Nicole, a huge congratulations on your pregnancies !!! I hope you both have a easy road ahead and wonderful births !! Thanks also for the good advice, its been really helpful to know that Im not slowly losing the plot, its just grief and trauma. I lost my first baby 19 years ago on Bonfire Night and even now when I hear the fireworks going off I always say a little prayer for my baby. Time is the only healer I think and I know myself I will get better and be able to cope more.
Take care everyone, Thanks again, xxxx
What can I say ? Your message is so heartbreaking . I really admire you for many reasons, mainly for carrying on with your wish to be a Mum and not giving up and having the heart to come on and give help to other people. You seem like such a strong person and you both have been through so much, I can understand how you feel about your second baby being more anonymous than your little boy, it certainly doesnt mean that your grief is any less or that it didnt mean as much to you.
I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a baby so far into the pregnancy, I was told last year at 19 weeks pregnant with my little daughter that my waters had gone and that I would lose her by an incompetent Sister Midwife who could not tell the difference between amniotic fluid and a simple thrush infection. It was the worst night of my life and I lay there feeling her kicking and squirming and just waiting on her to die, my relief the next day when a scan showed the fluid volume to be normal and that everything was fine was overwhelming. That night stayed with me a long time and when she was born full term and healthy she seemed all the more precious to me.
As you say too people do try and console you with all the wrong words, its hard for them to know what to say in these circumstances as there seems to be no reason for it, Ive had it all these last few days too but I just let it go really. I made the decision last week after it all happend that Im not going to try for any more children, Ill be 39 next birthday and my DD is quite the little livewire and I also have two teenage boys going through all the teenage angst with girlfriends etc so Ill be kept busy for quite a while yet.
Thank you again for coming on with advice for me, I havent been just as bad today as lately as I think writing it down and posting it on here helped me feel less isolated.
Im so glad that your current pregnancy is going so well, huge Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful birth experience and a gorgeous Christmas baby !!!!!!
Take care, thanks again
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