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Huge rise in babies born outside marriage

13 messages
21/02/2006 at 14:56
Do you think it's important to be married before you have children?
21/02/2006 at 15:08
different familys have different views, fo instance on my side of the family there not been a pregnancy outside of marriage as far as i know certainly not since my great grandparents. however on the wifes side her late mum had three children before getting married an autie was 8 months pregnant when she got married and her uncle has 2 children outside of marriage and her late sister had two children and never married and thats just on the maternal side of the family.
my wife was adament we'd get married before children and so we were our first born is due in 2 days and in a month we'll have been married 2 years, we were also married when we got our foster son as well, we scrapped our honeymoon to attend a foster panel to be approved foster carers, and we've had him 2yrs in may.
22/02/2006 at 17:04
Depends on your views really. Me and Steve "accidently" concieved Freya on our "first" night together. So when she was born we had actually only been together 10months! Obviously we wouldn't get married just because we have a child. Yes, it is a commitment but marriage I feel is a different one. I would LOVE to marry Steve but not because of Freya because I want to and we would have progressed to that point anyway. Its quite an old fashioned veiw to be born "out of wedlock" I think. But maybe its because I am 22 and associate that view with my grandparents?
21/04/2006 at 20:25
Me and my partner Simon have a little boy together who is now 4months,Oliver!We have been together 4years now and have lived together from the day we met and are not married yet, we love each other very much and eventually want to get married. Married or not we are extremley happy and as long as Oliver sees this being married wouldnt change a thing.Both mine and Simons parents are divorced and i can admit this has affected us both in different ways but if couples are going to split up they are going to do it married or not.
15/08/2006 at 15:14
i want to marry my fincee of 2 years but i am going to wait untill we both think the time is right . we are expecting our first baby in febuary and i w2anted him to marry me but when i thought about it why marry because you are having a baby marry because you want t0o so when the time is right we will
25/08/2006 at 11:26
My partner and I have been together 10 years, lived together 5 years and now have a 15 month old girl, how will getting married contribute?
17/10/2006 at 14:22
my partner and I hve both been married before and were both left by our husband/wives after our children were born so the sanctity of marriage did not mean as much to them as it did to us when they made their decisions.

Although we will probably get married, it's not set in stone as we have a fantastic, loving, caring relationship with each other and our various stepchildren. We did talk about it briefly before deciding to try for the baby I am now expecting but providing a loving environment and stable future is most important to us. Marriage does not guarantee this stability any longer unfortunately..

the trick is to follow your heart and faith (if the latter applies)rather than conforming to what you think is the right thing to do..
18/10/2006 at 10:01
Hi, me and my partner Stuart wanted to get married buy a house and have children. We moved in together to start saving for a mortgage and a wedding but i feel pregnant with Lucie. I had to give up work as Lucie has a tracheostomy and needs 24 hour care. So our plan of marrage, house, kids turned to kids, just got a mortgage and we are planning our marrage for a few years time. Things don't always go the way we plan. I feel with Lucie on the pill as i didn't want children before we were settled but you forget that someone has to be the person in a hundred who it doesn't work for!!!
Louise xx
26/10/2006 at 09:32
My husband and I have been married just over a year (married last may) and my son is now three months old. Decided to try for a baby just before we got married and it worked first time. That unfortunately ended in a miscarriage the week before we got married. both my brothers have had children outside of marriage whereas my sister was married for 3 years before having children. It is all about how the couple feel I think. But one thing I will say, is for the sake of £30 or £40 pounds in registrars fees, getting married does make sense when it comes to the right of both parents in the event of the death of one. If the mother died and they were married, her parents would have more rights to the children than the father.
05/11/2006 at 05:22
im not married and my partner is six years younger then me but none of this bothers me one day we may get married but we both know we are ment to be together and we have a stable loving relationship so its no big deal to us my family are all married but untill we know its the right time we are just gonna focus on us and bump
as long as your happy you should do what feels right for you i think :)
Cex
10/08/2009 at 09:54

I'm not married although in my mind I class us as husband and wife without the gold band and the certificate! 

Getting married was never as important to me as it was to my OH as his family are religious and mine aren't. Having said that we both come from homes where our parents are still happily married although this is my Mum and Dad's second marriage for both of them, I have a half sister who got married young and is still happy with her husband and 2 kids.

We've been together over 5 years and have lived together for almost 2, I had a miscarriage just before we bought this house and although this was horrible it brought us closer together and made us realise what the important things are.  We got engaged around the same time we found out I was pregnant with this one, and we will get married in the future although I couldn't say when as the mortgage and a baby will have eaten up our savings due to my works less than generious mat leave pay!

 It has become more important to me personally since being pregnant to get married eventually, not for religious reasons but for us to all have the same surname which is why baby will have my partners and not mine.  I think that in the long run with school etc. it will be much less confusing!  Having said that we may even end up having another baby before we actually get around to tying the knot, personally i'd run away to Gretna with close family and friends but I know that my OH would ideally like a big family doo.

I don't really think that it matters in todays society whether you are married, co-habiting, in a relationship or a single parent, so long as you feel happy and secure it's personal choice

10/08/2009 at 12:20

My husband and I got married two years ago and I found out I was expecting Freya on our 1st wedding anniversary it was such a precious gift!

Being Married does make you more commited to someone, I thought I couldn't love Adam anymore than I did but when we were married, I did, its hard to explain if you haven't done it but you really do feel different, its not just about a ring and a certificate!!

On a seperate issue, when I was having the 20 week scan my notes had me down as miss not mrs when the sonographer asked what the surname would be I said oh it is Bates they've just got my title down wrong, she totally changed and was more friendly and treated me better (before she was a tad miserable!!) might have been a coinsidence but thats the impression I got, prejudice is always going to be against people who choose not to get married or have happy 'accidents' its as shame but I feel more secure being married amd raising a family  xxx

10/08/2009 at 20:18

Hello,

I had been with my partner for 7 years before i feel pregnant and engaged for 2. We wanted to start a family and did not ever consider not being married as an issue. We have a loving and stable relationship and felt that this was the most important thing for bringing our child into this world. For us personally as much as i cant wait to get married (but i'm in no rush as i'm only planning on doing it the once so want it to be perfect ) but i dont think this would of had any effect on the way our daughter is brought up or how she feels as she is well loved and looked after.

 I was born out of wedlock ad my partner was born in wedlock but both of us have loving families that support us in what we do so i feel no different to him being a wedlock child.

As long as you are happy with your own personal situation i dont think this is a big thing in our society any more.

Paula

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