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is this more than terrible twos?

3 messages
09/03/2012 at 21:10

hi all...im basically goin crazy with my 2 and half year old daughters behaviour. Her behaviour has slowly been gettin worse since her little sister came along 3 months ago. Before my youngest was born, she had her tantrums and behaved badley as any 2 year old would,,,,but it has gone to a whole new level. She used to be/and still is a very bright, sweet girl and it kills me to think back to then as we were all so happy and i cant help but feel its our fault, weve made her unhappy for having another child. After my youngest came along, she started having more tantrums,,which i thought yeah fine,,,every two year old has tantrums. then as time has gone on, more and more tantrums over getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, over eating her dinner, over holding my hand near roads, over her wanting to do something me saying no, waking up in the morning with a tantrum,,,anything! from being cheeky to us every now and then to now being very cheeky to everyone, disagreeing with everything mum and dad say, 85% of the time she speaks to us shes being snappy and cheeky, doin things she knows is naughty just to test us,,,running off in the street and in shops,,,purposly trying to tip cups over, pullin on the curtains, ripping balls off the xmas tree (when it was xmas) When we talk to her sometimes things dont register with her,,,,like shes not listening or shes ignoring us, or like shes in her own world. I will sometimes have to shout things to try and make her listen...still doesnt register! Sometimes she hears the things she wants to hear but doesnt respond to anything else (and majority of the time when she does respond its a cheeky/grumpy response) She has always been loving and caring over her sister, but has recently been hurting her, i dont know if this is mellicious and trying to hurt her or not understanding that this is going to hurt her sister, for eg, leaning on her when hugging time ang tiime again after being told (nicely) not to lean on her, she was pushing the babys legs away with her feet quite roughly, i told her no thats not nice it will hurt her, she did it again, i told her more firmly, she did it again and again..she was looking at the baby and the baby started crying and i said whats the matter with her and my oldest said shed squeezed her hand. and today, again she was lent over the baby looking at her when i thought i saw her poke her eye,,,i lent over and the babys eye was all red and watery so i guess she did, when i asked her she denied it. Another thing, making up fibs,like today she ran off under clothing rails in the shop and tripped over one. i picked her up and comforted her and said this is why i tell u not to do it, and she said loudly, daddy pushed me...and he didnt. Shes just had a tantrum as i said lets go upstairs and get ready for bed, she went upstairs and got her pillow a nd blanket and tried taking it downstairs, i said no its bedtime, pj's on and we can snuggle in mummys bed with some milk and watch a cartoon and have a story (which we do every night) she started tantrumming and shouting at me, so i stayed calm and put her on her bed and said stay there until you calm down and then she could come out, she obviously didnt stay there so i kept putting her back, she was fighting to get past me, i was trying to calm her saying yes you can come out once youve calmed down, and she wasnt registering what i was saying,,,,jus screaming i want to come out, let me out, i said do you want to come out, and she stopped and said yes, so i said yes you can come out, just calm down, then she set off again...like she wasnt hearing that i said she could come out, she was crying but,,,it was weird, there were no tears, its like she wsnt there, if that makes sense. when she did calm down slighlty, she was doing funny breathing, then saying mummy put the telly on, and i was saying

09/03/2012 at 21:12
<p style="line-height: 15pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt;">............i will im just putting babys pj's on,, and she kept repeating it again and again....again like she wasnt registering what i was saying. she is also quite aggressive. its getting me down, causing arguments between us, i dread doin simple tasks as i know the reaction its goin to cause. I dont feel like its normal terrible twos,...sorry for the extra long essay :-/ please could people give their opinions xx

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"> 

09/03/2012 at 23:18

hi nicky you have my sympathies love. i left a gap of four years with my eldest and youngest and when george came along ( the baby) it had a huge impact on harry, to the negative, he was shocking when the baby arrived, he screamed the house down, got really defiant, ignored us, threw stuff out the window,  (thankfully not george)!   almost everything you have described, and it was unex[pected because we had just come out of the terrible 2s! but i had to watch him when he was strapped in his baby chair as harry used to tip him upside down in it. he really took it badly,  sounds very similar to what your little one is doing. i felt really guilty, like i had destroyed the bond we had before george arrived and the exclusivity of it just being us. eventually, and i mean eventually after almost a year, he is back to his pre george self, but boy it was a tough few months!  the problem is now that because we used to tend to george straight away to stop harry getting upset, (when he was crying etc) george now has a total strop when we dont see to him straight away.! it sounds like your daughter is lashing out, pushing her boundaries and she realises by doing this she has your attention and its that she is missing. i used to get my husband to take harry out and do fun things and kept him at school to keep up the normality for him to a certain degree, but we had to put him on the naughty step more times than i could remember, which he hadnt been on since he was 2. he almost started regressing, he got jelous when i breastfed, and even started wetting the bed again after being dry for a year. and every time i told him off i felt guilty because it was all down to having another baby! but i persevered and he soon realised that the way around me wasnt by rebelling and he got used to george being around. 

 once all the crazyness of the first 6 months is up and your so sleep deprived and fed up yourself your at your wits end things will start to improve i am sure. but i really feel for you because its heart wrenching as a mother to see your child be this unhappy. at the same time your new baby deserves just as much tlc, but i think thats just the normal transition of becoming a 2 child family. i dont think there is anything more going on with her behaviour wise other than sibling jelousy, and like you say terrible 2s have just come at the same time.

there is a light at the end of the tunnel i promise, and i know you feel like tearing your hair out if its  anything like it was here! i remember reading a book called happy baby happy toddler ( for babies that come when siblings are under 5) but i cant remember the author.

I know its hard, but if you can segregate some time for just you and her even if its just half an hour to read a book or watch the cartoon like you do now, i think it will help. its just a massive transition for everyone and she probably just misses her mum! its sooo hard and you cant split yourself down the middle you just have to learn how to juggle it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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