Breastfeeding is fabulous for bonding but not so great for your boobs.
Having a baby's a wonderful, magical thing and breastfeeding's the closest bond you can form with another human being. But what nobody warns you about is that brutal fact that your chest is almost guaranteed to go south and continue heading in that direction as you move on to babies two, three, four and more. It's almost as if your boobs are putting so much effort into finally doing the one thing that they've been created for, that they have no more energy to expend on being perky and pretty. How ironic is that?
So what can you do? Is there anything that works to keep your puppies buoyant and beautiful? Well, you can spend a fortune on fancy-sounding creams that promising bounce and spring. But has any of us ever found one that delivers on the miracles promised on the pot, no matter which way you rub, massage, pound or pat? Come on, be honest now....
In the same way, I've never met a woman who's found any exercises that work. If there were such a thing, surely it would have been made into a top selling DVD by a B-list celeb by now and we'd all be doing the pert boobie workout each morning with our coffee.
Option number two: arm yourself with an army issue nursing bra for daytime (something with the strength of tank armouring should do the job) and then follow a strict plan for staying completely horizontal from the moment you unhook it, thereby fooling yourself into forgetting that everything's no longer as perky as it used to be. A decent solution until you need a midnight pee and the bitter truth reveals itself as you stand up and your breasts roll down.
There is a third option though. One that's been around for a while but has always previously carried the faint whiff of taboo. Plastic surgery is the one solution that's guaranteed to give you back your buoyant boobies and it's now been given a mainstream seal of approval by Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yes, Gwynnie's admitted that she would consider undergoing a boob job to counteract the effects of breastfeeding. "Before, I didn't care about it, I refuse to use silicone," the celeb mum of two has 'fessed up. "But a breast correction after breastfeeding - why not?"
Well if it's good enough for Gwynnie....But goddammit, she can afford to have hers done whenever she fancies! The cost of a breast op for her is the equivalent to the rest of us popping out for a manicure. Surely it should be available on the NHS. Why not? A payback from the Government to say 'thank you' mums for doing your bit to prolong the existence of the human race. 'You give us a baby, we give you a new pair of shiny boobs'.
Or, should we just feel grateful that we've been blessed with a beautiful baby and not worry about our silhouette any more? What do you think?
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