You've recently given birth to the beautiful baby you've longed for, everyone is telling you how wonderful she is and how happy and proud you must be, with luck you have a wonderful partner to share this with, so why is it that you find yourself feeling so sad and weepy?
If this sounds like your post-birth emotional state then take some comfort from the fact that you're in the majority. It's very common for mothers to feel low or down in their first couple of weeks as a mother and while it might seem nonsensical to you at first, it's not really surprising either.
Giving birth can be an enormously draining experience, both physically and emotionally. At a time when all you may feel like doing is sleeping, you are suddenly faced with the incessant demands of parenting - which are a challenge regardless of whether it's your first or your fourth child - and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and maybe anxious about whether you're up to the job. You'll also be experiencing more of that, by now familiar, hormonal upheaval as you move from pregnancy to milk production and if you may be struggling with getting breastfeeding going. Add to that a sense of anti-climax as the anticipations and expectations of becoming a mother are replaced by reality, and you have a pretty heady cocktail for a moody and weepy new mum.
The first thing to remember if you get the baby blues is that they are perfectly understandable and very common and they do NOT mean that you are a bad mum. For most mums the baby blues won't last longer than a few days, though for some mums they will. If you have plenty of support, reassurance and help from your family and friends then you'll probably get through the rough patch quite quickly.
You don't need to see the doctor or have any treatment for the baby blues, you just need help and support from your family and to rein in the expectations that you place on yourself. However, some women do suffer from the more serious and longer post natal depression (PND), which is an illness and which can be resolved much faster with treatment. The early signs of PND are similar to the baby blues, but more acute. If you are feeling completely incapacitated, experience symptoms for longer than a few weeks or have thoughts about self-harm then you should see your doctor.
What you can do to beat the baby blues
- Recognise that your feelings are normal for new mums and don't mean that you're not up to being an excellent mum
- Take time to rest and recover. These days society tends to applaud women who are up and about and carrying on with minimum interruption from birth to their lives, but this isn't necessarily healthy. You need time to recover from the physical and emotional impact of childbirth, so if you feel you need to rest then rest
- Ask for help! You'll be amazed at how much better you feel if you let family and friends look after you a little and help out with household chores, meals and looking after the baby. The first thing to do is let your partner know how you're feeling and what you need. Perhaps he can organise other help from friends and family
- Learn to prioritise and let go of the unimportant. You may have liked to keep your house just so, but unless you have a lot of help you're going to have to accept that your house is unlikely to be so well-ordered now that there's a baby at the centre of things. With a baby you need to learn to prioritise the most important tasks and chores and accept that nicely ironed clothes and shiny surfaces go to the bottom of the pile
- Get out of the house. A change of scene and some gentle exercise can really help lift your mood, so try getting out for a walk and some fresh air - you can take baby with you. If you have a friend who's given birth recently then it might help for you to meet for some mutual support
- Make time for yourself. Try to arrange some time slots each week where you're not caring for the baby and can have some real 'me time' to do whatever relaxes you. It might be a hair appointment, a walk alone or curling up with a book, but knowing you have an hour or so entirely to yourself can be a blessed relief
- Eat well. To have the energy to cope with your new life, and particularly if you're breastfeeding, you need a nutritious and well-balanced diet, just as you did when you were pregnant
What a partner can do
You need to help your partner with all of the above. Make sure she knows that it's normal for her to feel this way at this time for all kinds of reasons and that you have every confidence in her ability as a mother. You can help her feel a little less intimidated by the weight of the responsibility of parenting by emphasising that you're both responsible for the baby and that you'll do your bit: show you mean it by taking over more of the household duties and encouraging her to rest.
If she doesn't find it easy to ask for help then you might take the pressure off her a little by organising family and friends to help out, but make sure all the visitors are welcome ones, she might need you to keep people away as much as look for support. If she's anxious about the state of the house then encourage her to recognise that some jobs are more important than others, work out between you how you're going to get the essential tasks done and accept that a little mess is just part of life as a family.
